On a Wave of Music and Love
by JacksonFrost
Summary: Song-fic drabbles of Sirius and Remus' relationship at various points in time. Slash.
1. Part One

**Author's Note:** This is for the "Playlist Challenge." Basically, I put my iPod on shuffle and wrote a Sirius/Remus drabble about the first ten songs that came up (they're really random!). The challenge was to only do ten songs, but I had so much fun writing this that I think I will add some more chapters of songs/drabbles. (:

* * *

**On a Wave of Music and Love**

------

_**Living on a Prayer (Bon Jovi)  
**_

_We've got to hold on to what we've got  
'Cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not.  
We've got each other and that's a lot for love -  
We'll give it a shot.  
We're half way there - Livin' on a prayer  
Take my hand and we'll make it  
I swear - livin' on a prayer._

_---  
_

"Well," Sirius says, fidgeting slightly. "This is it. Home sweet home." He shoots Remus a worried look. "Sorry it isn't much."

The flat is shabby, to put it nicely, and the paint is peeling and what little furniture there is seems to be broken. Something that looks suspiciously like a cockroach scurries behind the holey couch.

Remus grins. "It's perfect."

Sirius still looks nervous. "You sure? It's dirt cheap, but it was all I could afford, really. I didn't want to spend all of Alphard's gold on the first month's rent, because I think we're going to need it to survive. I'm not going to make much at my job for a while, until I gain experience."

Unspoken is the implication that Remus won't be contributing to the rent, or anything for that matter, due to his difficulties of getting a job with his "furry little problem."

Remus shakes his head. "Sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Sirius snaps. "It's not your fault, you _can't_, but I can, and I'm making shit. Which I don't mind, I still like the job, but we won't exactly be living nicely for a while."

Remus sighs. "Really, Pads, I don't care. I love the flat. It has…character. And besides, I don't need a fancy place to stay. I have you."

Sirius slowly grins. "Yeah. Yeah, you do."

"Love you, Pads."

"Love you too, Moony. Want to see the bedroom?" Sirius grins mischievously and grabs Remus' hand.

* * *

_**Lights (Journey)  
**_

_It's sad, oh, there's been mornings out on the road, without you, without your charms_

_Ooh, my, my, my, my, my_

_When the lights go down in the city, and the sun shines on the bay,_

_Do I want to be there in my city, oh, oh_

_--  
_

"I miss London," Sirius grumbles, prodding at their shoddily built fire with his wand, and jumping back as the flames burst into the air.

James waves his wand lazily, making the flames return to normal. "You just miss Moony."

"Yeah, well, that too," Sirius says, sighing. That is the one thing about his Auror duties he hates. He loves being out in the midst of the battle, he loves working with his best mate, he loves knowing that he's helping crush the Death-Eaters, but he hates being out in the middle of nowhere for days and days, scouting out Death-Eater locations. He misses London, he misses his flat and that nice pub down the street, and he misses Remus like mad.

* * *

_**Rocket Man (Elton John)  
**_

_And I think it's going to be a long, long time_

_Til touchdown brings me round again to find_

_I'm not the man they think I am at home,_

_Oh no, no, no, I'm a rocket man_

_Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone_

_--  
_

Out in the woods, with only vicious werewolves as company, Remus doesn't feel like Remus anymore. He's not the man everyone thinks he is; he's not even Moony, the werewolf who still has a shred of control, due to his loyal pack. No, he's a true monster, heartless and ruthless, and he wonders if he'll ever regain control, if he'll ever come home and be able to act normally with other people, with Sirius.

He misses Sirius, who he barely gets to see anymore, what with their conflicting schedules. And he hates having to keep this a secret from him, and he knows that the secrets are tearing holes in their relationship.

Remus sighs, and looks up at the sky. The full moon should be in effect soon, and Remus rips his shirt off, preparing to transform. It's harder than it normally is. Remus hates transforming alone.

* * *

_**Does Your Mother Know (ABBA)  
**_

_  
And I can chat with you baby  
Flirt a little maybe  
Does your mother know that you're out?_

_--  
_

It's the summer before sixth year, and Remus wakes up to a pounding on his window. He blearily opens it, and sees Sirius, perched on his windowsill, grinning at him.

"Hey Moony!"

"Sirius?" Remus asks, utterly bemused. "What are you doing here? At…three in the morning?"

Sirius grins. "Well, I couldn't sleep, and James is visiting his grandparents in Wales, and you know how Peter's mum is, so I thought, let's go see Moony!"

Remus frowns, still confused, but opens the window fully, and Sirius tumbles in. He leaps on the bed and promptly makes himself comfortable.

Remus awkwardly perches on the side of his bed. "Be quiet though. My mum will have a fit if she knows you're here."

Sirius grins. "Don't worry. I'm an expert at making myself invisible."

Remus feels a sudden rush of sympathy for Sirius, but masks it by grinning at him. "So, how's your summer been?"

Sirius makes a face. "Horrible. My mum's a shrew."

"Does she know you're here?" Remus asks slowly.

Sirius suddenly leans forward and kisses him. He pulls back slightly. "Let's not talk about my mother."

Remus blinks with surprise, but nods eagerly. "Okay. Let's…." He trails off and looks hopefully at Sirius, and Sirius smirks, and then is kissing him again.

* * *

_**You and Me (Lighthouse)  
**_

_And it's you and me and all of the people  
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you  
One of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right  
I'm tripping on words  
You've got my head spinning  
I don't know where to go from here_

_--  
_

They're standing in the midst of the aftermath of a battle, and corpses and the wounded are strewn around them. Sirius can't look at them; he just stares at Remus, drinking in him. Remus' eyes meet his, and neither of them can tear their eyes away.

Sirius takes a step closer to him and smiles weakly. "I thought- Merlin. I'm glad you're okay."

It's so weak, so inefficient, but Remus smiles. "Likewise."

Sirius tries to speak again, but he finds that he can't properly say anything. He feels like he's sucked into Remus' warm amber eyes and it's there he feels safe. "I, I love you," he manages.

"I love you too," Remus replies automatically, but all around him are the bodies of the dead, someone else's loved one, and the words are laced with an icy fear that grips both of their hearts.

* * *

_**Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)  
**_

_And I'd give up forever to touch you  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now_

_--  
_

"Do you believe in heaven?" Remus asks suddenly. They're lying on a blanket, under the stars and the cool summer night. Sirius has snuck out of his house again, and this time, Remus was waiting for him with a crooked grin and a plan to spend the night in the park.

"I dunno," Sirius says, inching closer to Remus. "Do you?"

Remus nods, his fingers running through Sirius' hair. "But werewolves won't get to Heaven. We're Dark creatures."

"How do you know that?" Sirius demands.

Remus shrugs. "I just know."

Sirius kisses him, then, and smiles. "I won't go to Heaven then, either. I'll stay with you."

Remus chuckles softly. "That's a lot to give up."

"I don't need it," Sirius says simply. "As corny as this sounds, you're my Heaven."

* * *

_**Boston (Augustana)  
**_

_In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun_

_Oh dear, you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed_

_This world you must've crossed,_

_You said….you don't know me, you don't even care_

_--  
_

"I'm sorry."

Remus won't look at him. He swats furiously at his eyes, red and leaking with tears.

"Remus, I'm sorry."

"Oh, shut up," Remus spits out, feeling as if he's going to start crying again. "Did you even think about me? About how hard it would have been for me if I had killed him? If something had happened? Do you even care?"

"Remus, of course I care," Sirius says frantically, looking close to tears himself. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking."

"Yeah," Remus says flatly. "You weren't thinking of me, that's for sure." He looks at Sirius, his eyes brimming with unshed tears and disappointment, and turns away.

Sirius stands there for a while after he's gone, feeling more lost than he ever has before.

* * *

_**Fly With Me (Jonas Brothers)  
**_

_If it's you for me forever_

_If it's you and me right now,_

_That'd be alright, be alright._

_We're chasing stars to lose our shadow,_

_Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine,_

_So won't you fly with me?_

_--  
_

"Sirius, no, I can't go on that thing," Remus says, laughing despite himself.

Sirius grins at him. "Sure you can, Moony. She's gentle, don't worry."

"It's a flying motorbike, I don't think _gentle _is in her vocabulary."

Sirius laughs. "Get on," he says, patting the back of the bike.

Remus rolls his eyes, but he gets on anyway, and then they're off, and Remus lets out an unmanly shriek and holds Sirius tightly.

Sirius swoops through the nighttime air, through the stars, and they're leaving behind any stress, any worries. Up here, it doesn't matter who Sirius' family is, or what Remus turns into once a month. Up here, they're free.

Remus laughs with delight and Sirius joins in. "I told you, Moony," he screams into the sky, and Remus can't even defend himself, because they're flying, and they're free, and he loves it.

* * *

_**Photograph (Nickleback)  
**_

_Every memory walking out the front door_

_I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for_

_It's hard to say it, time to say it_

_Goodbye, goodbye._

_--  
_

Sirius is sprawled on the floor of their flat, and Remus thinks briefly of the cockroaches before dropping to the floor to join him. "What are you looking at?"

"Pictures," Sirius says, shoving the overflowing box at him. "Of Hogwarts."

Remus picks up a picture at random and laughs at the image of Sirius and James wrestling and Peter cheering on the sidelines. "These are great."

Sirius nods absently, studying a picture of the four Marauders, with their arms draped around each other, grinning cheesily at the camera. "I miss these days."

"I'm sure there's a picture of us four together nowadays," Remus says, skating around the subject.

Sirius shakes his head. "No."

"We'll get someone to take it the next time we're together, then. Lily, perhaps," Remus continues determinedly.

Sirius shrugs. "S'not the same, really. Look how innocent we look here."

"We were young."

"Yeah. Those days are over now," Sirius says, his voice filled with regret.

Remus shrugs. "Well, it's time. We're all adults now. We have new memories."

"Of death and wars," Sirius says sarcastically, still staring at the photograph.

Remus sighs. "And other stuff. Living together in our own flat, for one." Sirius perks up slightly at that, and Remus, encouraged, continues. "It's time to say goodbye to Hogwarts. But we don't have to say goodbye to each other."

"I never want to say goodbye to you," Sirius says earnestly.

Remus is suddenly choked up, and instead of answering, he pulls Sirius towards him, in a long, deep kiss, amidst the photographs of better days.

* * *

_**If It Means a Lot to You (A Day to Remember)  
**_

_If you can wait til I get home,_

_Then I swear to you that we can make this last, la la la_

_If you can wait til I get home,_

_Then I swear, come tomorrow, this will all be in our past_

_It might be for the best_

_--_

_Hey sweetie, I need you here tonight_

_And I know you don't wanna be leaving,_

_Yeah, you want it but I can't help it,_

_I just feel complete when you're by my side,_

_But I know you can't come home until they're singing, la, la la la, la la la_

_---  
_

Remus' Patronus appears in the kitchen, where Sirius is making a sandwich for lunch.

"I've run into something…Dumbledore's thing, you know…sorry, I won't be home tonight….I'll see you here tomorrow….don't be mad, I love you," Remus' voice says.

Sirius throws the knife across the kitchen angrily; it skids across the floor and comes to a stop by the door. The door that Remus won't be walking into tonight, Sirius thinks bitterly, for oh, the third night this week. _Fuck _Dumbledore's _oh so secret_ missions.

Thinking rationally, he knows that Remus wants to tell him, knows that Remus doesn't want to be away from him, but he can't stop his irrational thoughts from coming out. He misses Remus, misses the way it used to be, before secrets and lies steadily wore away the solidity of their relationship. Horrible accusations that Sirius won't even say out loud cloud his mind, and his stomach clenches. _Fuck it_, he thinks, grabbing a handful of Sickles from the kitchen counter. He'll go to the pub down the street, and drink until he's mind-numbingly drunk, and let Remus have his secrets because he won't care. He needs Remus to be with him, but if he can't have Remus, then firewhiskey is the next best thing.

Drown his sorrows, and all that, Sirius thinks, but a picture of Sirius and Remus, arms around each other and grinning, makes him stop. He does some swift, mental calculations, and then drops a couple of Sickles back on the counter. He won't drink so much, then. He'll come back to the flat for the night, and he'll be here in the morning when Remus is back home.

* * *

**Author's Note #2: **Unfortunately, a lot of the songs that turned up led to angsty drabbles, so hopefully next chapter's songs/drabbles will be fluffier! Hope you enjoyed, please let me know what you thought in the reviews! Thanks! :)


	2. Part Two

_**Whatcha Say (Jason Derulo)  
**_

_Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmm that you only meant well?  
Well of course you did  
Mmmm whatcha say,  
Mmmm that it's all for the best?  
Of course it is_

_--  
_

"But didn't he apologize?" James offers timidly, glancing at Remus.

Remus snorts. "Yeah, he _apologized._ Doesn't mean anything." Peter clears his throat and Remus looks at him angrily. "What?"

"Well, Sirius doesn't normally apologize," Peter says nervously. "Maybe he was serious- heh heh, sorry, that wasn't on purpose. But really, no, I think he meant it."

"Yeah, well, he made his little excuses, and _of course _he didn't mean anything by it, and _of course_ he wasn't trying to hurt me," Remus spits, shaking his head in disgust. "He didn't actually mean for Snape to go out looking for Moony, of _course_ not."

"Don't you miss him?" James asks quietly.

"What- do I- what- miss- I- that's not the point!" Remus sputters.

"Well, he misses you," James continues. "And I think at this point, you need to take his apology at face value, because he actually apologized and he loves you."

Remus sighs. "Maybe," he offers grudgingly, and his heart skips a beat at the prospect of talking to Sirius again.

* * *

_**Time after Time (Quietdrive)  
**_

_If you're lost, you can look_

_And you will find me, _

_Time after time._

_If you fall, I will catch you,_

_I'll be waiting,_

_Time after time._

_--  
_

"Remus," Sirius yells as he walks in his flat. "You home? I'm starving, want to go to that Chinese place for dinner? Remus?" He walks into the bathroom and stops. "Remus, you okay?"

Remus is sitting in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest. "My mum died," he chokes out.

Sirius drops to the ground next to him. "Oh, Remus," he says softly. "I'm so sorry."

"A Death-Eater killed her," Remus says, his voice expressionless. "She was outside the Leaky Cauldron, meeting a friend, and a bunch of them came and killed all the surrounding wizards. It happened so fast, she didn't have a chance." His voice cracks and Sirius places a hand on his arm. Remus looks at him. "Maybe one of your family killed her."

Sirius tenses slightly, but doesn't move. "Then I'll kill them," he whispers. "Moony, I'm so sorry, she was an incredible woman."

"She sacrificed everything for me," Remus says, tears welling up in his eyes. "Ever since I was bitten, she was always there for me and she researched cures, and did without, for me. And I didn't even try to save her."

"You couldn't," Sirius breathes. "It was a surprise attack, nobody knew it was coming."

"Isn't it your job," Remus asks bitterly, "to know about these surprise attacks?"

Sirius flinches. "Y-Yes. I'm so sorry, Remus. I should have…"

"No," Remus interrupts dully. "I should have been there. I should be an Auror, or something, but instead I can't get a fucking job, and I'm not doing anything useful for our cause."

"You have Dumbledore's secret missions," Sirius offers.

"Fuck that," Remus snaps. "I'm not doing anything _real_." He starts crying then, big, gasping sobs. "Sirius, I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I'm so afraid."

Sirius gently wipes Remus' tears away with his finger. "I'll be right here with you while you figure it out," he whispers. "I love you, Remus. And I'll be here for you. Always."

* * *

_**Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) (Green Day)  
**_

_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road_

_Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go_

_So make the best of this test, and don't ask why_

_It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time._

_---  
_

It's a last hurray for the Marauders, in a way. The last hurray at Hogwarts, anyway. Remus fidgets in his starchy gold graduation robe and grins at his friends. "This is it, then."

James is staring at Lily, whose vibrant red hair clashes brilliantly with her maroon graduation robe. Sirius jabs him in the stomach and he grins sheepishly. "Yes. This is it. Once Dumbledore stops talking, we will not be Hogwarts students anymore."

Peter looks terrified at the thought. "Hope he continues a bit longer."

Sirius can't help but silently agree, but no, Dumbledore stops, and the crowd of seventh-years roars, and tosses their hats into the air, the House Colors blending together one final time for them.

Sirius grabs Remus and kisses him urgently, teeth smashing, tongues colliding. "I'm not ready to leave this," he mutters when Remus starts to pull away.

Remus falls back into Sirius' need, snogging him back, hard and fast. "We're going in a different direction," he agrees between kisses. "But we're going together."

* * *

_**Goodbye My Lover (James Blunt)  
**_

_And I still your hand in mine when I'm asleep_

_And I will bare my soul in time, when I'm kneeling at your feet._

_Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend._

_You have been the one, you have been the one for me._

_--  
_

Remus wakes up with a start. He reaches out for Sirius instinctively before remembering. He lies back down, trying to erase the memories of his dream, his dream of Sirius. He shouldn't be dreaming of Sirius, he's a horrible murderer and he betrayed not only James, and Lily, and Peter, and everyone he ever knew, but he betrayed Remus. And he broke Remus' heart.

But even though Remus knows all this, and he's furious at Sirius, so angry that it feels like hot lava has been poured into his heart, he still misses him. And although that makes him furious at himself, he can't help it. He misses the way Sirius could make him laugh like no one else. He misses how Sirius would kiss him and he would see fireworks. He misses the way they were not only lovers, but best friends. He misses the way Sirius was absolutely perfect for him, like God had created him specifically for Remus.

Remus turns over into his pillow, and tries to forget.

* * *

_**What I've Done (Linkin Park)  
**_

_Put to rest what you thought of me_

_While I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come and wash away_

_What I've done_

_--  
_

"I've changed, Moony, honest," Sirius says, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet.

"I _know_, Sirius," Remus protests. "Really, this isn't necessary. I've forgiven you for The Prank. You don't have to do…whatever you're about to do."

Sirius gives him a quick grin. "Yes, it is necessary. I'm proving to you that I'm not a git anymore. I love you and I won't hurt you like that again. Promise."

Remus sighs. "Okay, so I'm curious as to what you're about to do."

Sirius laughs and drags Remus to the Room of Requirement. Potions are scattered across the room, spell books are flipped open, and Sirius is grinning hard and looking at Remus expectantly.

Remus gives him a blank look and Sirius launches into an explanation. "I've done a lot of research about what could make transforming easier for you. Now, nothing's proven and obviously there's no cure, but there are a couple of promising potions that I think might take away some of the pain if you take it before. I don't want you to get your hopes up, but I took this one potion, and a few hours later, I was hit with two Bludgers at Quidditch practice, and it barely hurt. I don't know if it will work with werewolves, but I read something that said you just needed a-"

"You did all this," Remus interrupts, looking across the room and the vast array of potions and spell books. "For me?"

"Well, of course," Sirius says. "Who else would I do it for?"

"All of this," Remus repeats, "for me?"

Sirius grins. "It wasn't any harder than becoming an Aminagus for you."

Remus grabs Sirius and kisses him. "Thank you, thank you," he breathes.

"It might not work," Sirius quickly says.

Remus shakes his head. "It doesn't matter; just the fact that you did this is so much more than enough."

"Have I managed to…clean the slate, so to speak?" Sirius asks anxiously.

"Of course," Remus says. "I love you." He kisses Sirius again, all relief and gratitude and love.

* * *

_**Pictures of You (The Last Goodnight)  
**_

_Pictures of you, pictures of me_

_Hung up on your wall for the world to see_

_Pictures of you, pictures of me_

_Remind us all of what we used to be_

_--  
_

Sirius storms into his flat. "Remus?" he yells half-heartedly. Silence. "Of course you're not here," he mutters. "What's this? Fourth time this week that you've disappeared without telling me where you're going? Wonder why that is, _Remus_?"

He snorts and walks into the bedroom, intent on catching a few hours sleep before his next shift. The pictures lining the walls make him stop, and suddenly he's crying, hot, embarrassing tears spilling down his cheeks.

There's Remus laughing, watching Sirius and James wrestle before him. There's Sirius planting a sloppy kiss on Remus' cheek, and Remus turning red and grinning sheepishly at the camera. There's the two of them entangled on the couch, unaware of the camera. There's Remus and Sirius on the motorbike, shouting with laughter. There's the two of them looking at each other with love clearly written across their faces.

"Damn it, Remus," Sirius says, under his breath, wiping away the tears. "What happened?"

* * *

_**Clocks (Coldplay)  
**_

_And nothing else compares,_

_You are, you are_

_Home, home, where I wanted to go_

_Home, home, where I wanted to go_

_--  
_

Remus stumbles into the flat, bleeding and bruised. Last night had been the full night, and instead of running around with his best friends as Moony, he had been viciously fighting with another monstrous werewolf. He had been desperate to go home, but now that he's here, he isn't yet satisfied.

"Sirius?" There's only silence. Remus scowls. "It's the morning after the full moon, thanks for sticking around," he mutters, knowing that it's unfair, knowing that he hadn't even told Sirius he wouldn't be around for the full moon.

Remus collapses on the couch and tries to be happy that he's home and safe. He doesn't think he can, until the door swings open, and Sirius walks in, holding an armful of salves and packages of tea leaves. "We were out," he explains flatly, when he notices Remus staring at him.

"Are these for me?" Remus croaks, wincing as he sits up.

They obviously are, but Sirius shrugs. "Or for whoever needs them."

"I think I need them," Remus whispers.

"Okay," Sirius says, expressionless. He walks over to the couch and holds up a bottle of salve. "Can you do this yourself?"

Remus blinks. "Er. Yeah. Sure."

Sirius sighs. "No, I'll do it." He gently dabs the salve on a bruise on Remus' cheek.

"Don't be mad at me," Remus breathes, closing his eyes in relief as the pain begins to fade. "I wanted to be with you during it, I really did."

Sirius doesn't respond, but he stays and treats Remus' wounds, and Remus thinks that it finally feels as if he's home.

* * *

_**Nothing Left to Lose (Mat Kearney)  
**_

_Come on, and we'll sing like we were free_

_Push the pedal down, watch the world around fly by us._

_Come on and we'll try one last time._

_I'm off of the floor, one more time to find you_

_And here we go, there's nothing left to choose._

_And here we go, there's nothing left to lose_

_--  
_

The world is burning all around them, people are dying everywhere they look, they just heard news that one of their friends, Marlene McKinnon, is dead, and they're out for a ride on Sirius' motorbike. It's not flying this time, it's on the ground, but it's going _fast_ and Remus puts his head against Sirius' back and watches the world blur past him.

Sirius lets out a bark of laughter, and it's a bit forced, but Remus joins in, even throwing in a slight _whoop_ of joy. Sirius goes faster and faster, and it's as if they're leaving all their troubles behind on the hard pavement.

Sirius must be thinking the same thing, because he pumps his fist in the air and screams, "Freedom!"

Remus laughs and it's not fake anymore. Freedom from war, freedom from death, freedom from horrors that haunt them both. Freedom from the knowledge that they might be the ones to die next. "Freedom!" he echoes gleefully.

They're going so fast, but Remus doesn't worry, because what's the difference between dying in a motorbike crash and dying in the heat of a battle, really? If it's inevitable, why fight it?

Remus hugs Sirius' back and Sirius laughs again. "To the moon, Moony?" he screams over his shoulder.

"And to the stars, Sirius!"

Sirius grins and the motorbike shoots into the air, and they drift away from Earth, in one more attempt to escape their fears.

* * *

_**Your Song (Elton John)  
**_

_And you can tell everybody this is your song,_

_It may be quite simple but now that it's done,_

_I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind_

_That I put down in words,_

_How wonderful life is while you're in the world._

_--  
_

"What'd you write?" Sirius asks, dancing around Remus. "Let me see, let me see!"

"Are you two?" Remus retorts, laughing. "No. It's personal."

Sirius narrows his eyes, and with a flash, has grabbed the paper from him. "Too personal to share with me? Nonsense!"

"Hey," Remus protests half-heartedly. "It's stupid, really."

Sirius scans the paper and looks up at him, blinking. "Stupid? Remus, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me."

Remus shrugs and blushes. "It's nothing."

"No," Sirius contradicts, grinning. "It's everything. Do you really mean all this?"

"Yeah," Remus answers. "I love you, Pads."

"I love you, Moony," Sirius responds, and shoves Remus against the wall, kissing him hard. Remus responds eagerly, running his fingers through Sirius' hair, and he is eternally grateful for Sirius Orion Black.

* * *

**Please review!! :)**


	3. Part Three

_**Down (Jay Sean)  
**_

_So baby, don't worry, you are my only,_

_You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,_

_You'll be my only, no need to worry,_

_Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down_

_--  
_

"She likes you, you know," Sirius snaps irritably.

"Who- Tonks?" Remus asks in bewilderment. "That's ridiculous."

"Do you not see the way she flirts with you?" Sirius asks, throwing his hands up.

Remus smirks. "Don't be jealous, Pads."

"I'm not _jealous_," Sirius mutters.

"Well, you're the only one for me," Remus reassures, kissing him. "You're stuck with me, sorry."

"Better be," Sirius grumbles, but kisses Remus back anyway, until Tonks has vanished entirely from his mind, and all he's thinking about is Remus.

* * *

_**Yellow (Coldplay)  
**_

_Look at the stars,_

_Look how they shine for you,_

_And everything you do,_

_Yeah, they were all yellow._

_--  
_

Sirius is lying on the ground, staring up at the sky, in the Astronomy Tower when Remus finds him. "Thought I'd find you here."

Sirius doesn't look at him. "Yeah."

"It's his birthday, isn't it?" Remus asks softly, sitting beside Sirius.

Sirius shrugs unconvincingly. "Dunno."

"He was your brother, it's okay to-"

"James is my brother," Sirius interrupts. "That's it. I'm just up here to look at the stars."

"Mm," Remus says, glancing up. "They remind me of you."

Sirius makes a face. "In a bad way?"

"What, no, why would it be in a bad way?" Remus asks, frowning.

"The moon reminds me of you," Sirius shrugs. "But that's not a _good_ thing. Stars remind me of my family. That's not a good thing either."

"Well, that's not why they remind me of you," Remus says, snuggling closer to Sirius. "They shine so bright…that's what reminds me of you."

Sirius grins at him. "Thanks."

"No problem," Remus says, laughing a little bit, and then they're kissing, fast and desperate, and they're bathed in yellow light.

* * *

_**How to Save a Life (The Fray)  
**_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

_--  
_

He shouldn't, he knows, but Remus can't help but blame himself. Sirius was living with him, Sirius was _right there_, and yet, he was too preoccupied with werewolves and full moons to realize that Sirius was becoming the kind of monster capable of working for Voldemort.

If he had just _realized_, he would have dropped everything, spent more time with Sirius, talked with him for hours, made sure Sirius knew he was loved and he _didn't have to _turn to Voldemort.

He would have, should have stopped this.

* * *

_**Set Fire to the Third Bar (Snow Patrol)  
**_

_I'm miles from where you are_

_I lay down on the cold ground_

_And I pray that something picks me up_

_And sets me down in your warm arms_

_--  
_

Sirius shivers slightly and rolls over in his tent. James stirs for a second, but collapses back into a deep sleep. Sirius can't fall back asleep. He hates this. He wants to be back home with Remus. He misses Remus so much, it hurts.

He sighs and closes his eyes and pretends that Remus is lying next to him in their warm bed, and that this war and Remus' secret missions and Sirius' Auror duties never even existed.

* * *

_**Look After You**_

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go  
Will you, won't you, be the one I'll always know  
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around  
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down_

_--  
_

Remus feels like he's having a panic attack. He's sitting alone in the corner of their bedroom, squeezing his eyes close, trying not to hyperventilate. He vaguely hears the door open and shut and Sirius calling his name. He makes no move to answer and eventually, Sirius makes his way into the bedroom.

"Moony? Oh shit, Remus, what's happened?"

"Benjy died," Remus says gaspingly. "Sirius, I dunno about this, I-"

"Shh," Sirius whispers, dropping down beside him. "Shit, Benjy? Fuck, I should have been there." He stares off into the distance for a minute then looks at Remus. "Moony, listen to me. It will be okay. We're gonna make this. I promise." He picks up Remus' scarred hand and squeezes. "I love you."

Remus nods jerkily. "We're gonna make it," he repeats, trying to make it sound convincing. "We will. We _will_."

"Right," Sirius says, nodding firmly. "Enough of this panicky stuff. We'll be fine, Moony."

Remus nods again and eventually, his breathing slows. Sirius doesn't let go of his hand. "I love you, Pads."

"I love you too," Sirius says, matter-of-factly. "You okay?"

Remus smiles. "Now I am. Thanks."

"Anytime."

* * *

_**Forever (Chris Brown)  
**_

_Imma take you there, Imma take you there_

_So don't be scared, I'm right here, ready?_

_We can go anywhere, go anywhere_

_But first, it's your chance, take my hand, come with me_

_--  
_

They're stumbling around on the dark streets of London, laughing drunkenly. Sirius pounds on Remus' chest, grinning at him in a way that suggested he was up to no good. "Moony, come on!"

"What?" Remus asks, capturing Sirius' fists and nipping at his lower lip.

"Let's Apparate somewhere, anywhere," Sirius cries, retaliating by biting Remus' shoulder.

"We're drunk," Remus slurs. "Not a good idea, Pads."

"It's an adventure, Moony," Sirius practically screams, and covers Remus' mouth with his own in a large, sloppy kiss. "Come on!"

"Fine," Remus relents, laughing. "But if we get Splinched, don't say I didn't warn you."

Sirius grins impishly. "Give me your hand, Moony."

Remus grabs Sirius' hand, and then they're off, in a blaze of sparks and laughter and love.

* * *

_**A Rush of Blood to the Head (Coldplay)  
**_

_He said I'm going to buy this place and watch it fall  
Stand here beside me baby, in the crumbling walls  
Oh I'm going to buy this place and start a fire  
Stand here until I fill all your heart's desires  
Because I'm going to buy this place and see it burn  
Do back the things it did to you in return_

_--  
_

It seems that Sirius is in one of his moods. He's sprawled on the couch in Grimmauld Place, staring off in the distance. Remus sits beside him and after a moment, Sirius looks at him. "I hate this place."

"I know."

"No, Moony, I really hate this place. I hated it when I was a kid, and I thought I left it when I was sixteen. I can't stand being back here."

Remus nods. "After the war is over, and you can come out of hiding, I'll burn this place down. You can help."

Sirius snorts. "What? Prefect Remus, advocating vandalism?"

Remus laughs. "Got a problem with that?"

"No, none at all," Sirius says quickly. "Just impressed. Just leaving it was gonna be enough for me."

Remus shrugs. "It deserves a lot worse than that. Burning it gets it back for your sixteen years of hell here." He pauses and snickers. "I think I'm losing my mind. It's a _house._ Sorry."

"No, I like the way you think," Sirius says happily. "And we all know I've lost my mind, so we'll just be insane together."

"As long as we're together," Remus quips, and kisses Sirius, gently at first, and then the passion builds the kiss until it feels as if they themselves are on fire.

* * *

_**Never Too Late (Three Days Grace)  
**_

_Now and again we try to just stay alive_

_Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late,_

_It's never too late_

_--  
_

"Hey," Remus says softly, sitting next to Sirius at the once-marvelous, now-shabby kitchen table.

Sirius jerks his head in acknowledgment, gulping from his bottle of firewhiskey.

"You've been drinking a lot lately," Remus says, nodding towards the bottle.

"Making up for twelve years worth of lost time," Sirius says bitterly.

"Sirius," Remus says, reaching out and touching his arm. "Don't live like that. Trying to make up for Azkaban…it's not healthy."

Sirius jerks his arm around. "I had it all," he says gloomily. "The best mates anyone could ask for, a rising career as an Auror, _you_. And now what do I have? Nothing. I'm living in the house that I _hate_, my friends are _dead_, I'm an outlaw, and you…well, Remus, what are you to me? I guess we're just friends. I guess I should be happy with that, because it's too late to go back to how it was."

Remus is silent for a minute and then looks at him. "I don't think it's too late."

Sirius glances at him. "You deserve more than an ex-con, hardened by Azkaban."

"And you deserve more than an unemployed werewolf," Remus snaps. "You always did. So I guess this is just making it even."

Sirius looks at him doubtfully. "It's not too late?"

Remus lunges across the table, spilling the firewhiskey in the process, and slams his lips against Sirius'. Then they're kissing again, properly snogging, for the first time in twelve years. It's fierce and fiery and everything Remus remembers, just with more desperation and regret and longing. Sirius pulls Remus closer to him, overturning the table in the process, and their hands are all over, touching, grabbing, anywhere they can.

"I missed this," Remus breathes, moaning slightly as Sirius' hands go lower and lower.

"I missed you," Sirius pants between kisses, as they make their way towards the bedroom, as they make their way towards salvation.

* * *

_**Buy You a Drank (T-Pain)  
**_

_Let's get drunk, forget what we did_

'_Cause Imma buy you a drank_

_Imma take you home with me_

_--  
_

Sirius sits at the bar at his favorite pub. He stares moodily at his almost-empty drink. He's here for a refuge from his latest fight with Remus. It's always the same, accusations blend with harsh words and leads to glasses being shattered and the door slamming as Sirius storms out.

He's vaguely aware of someone sliding into the seat next to him. "Two," the person barks, and slides one of the drinks in front of Sirius.

Sirius blearily looks at the person. "Remus," he slurs. "Why are you here?"

Remus shrugs, and knocks his drink down. "Are you going to drink that or what?"

Sirius nods and drains his glass. "Sorry," he mutters grudgingly.

Remus smirks. "Just drink, Pads."

Sirius slams his drink down. "I don't wanna drink."

Remus raises his eyebrow. "You want to fight?"

"No," Sirius says slowly.

Remus grins and crashes his lips to Sirius'. They're desperately grabbing at each other, anywhere they possibly can, and their teeth are smashing against each other, and it's fast and rough and sweaty lust. "Home," Sirius pants, dragging his tongue across Remus' neck and darting it back into Remus' mouth. "Now."

Remus digs into his pocket, his other hand clawing at Sirius' hair, and throws a couple of Knuts down on the bar. He wraps his leg around Sirius, causing Sirius to moan slightly and thrust himself against Remus, and they Apparate home.

Sometimes, making up is almost worth the fight.

* * *

_**Everybody Hurts (REM)  
**_

_  
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,  
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on  
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes_

_--  
_

"Sirius?" Remus calls, poking his head into the bedroom. "What are you doing, sleeping? James and Lily's engagement party is in an hour, and Prongs might want you there early."

"I don't care," comes the response, slightly muffled by the pillow.

"Sirius," Remus sighs in exasperation. "What are you sulking about? Is this about the fact that Tonks and I were working together? Really, you need to get over that paranoid fantasy, because-"

Sirius looks up and Remus realizes with a start that he's been crying. "Shut the fuck up, Remus," he growls. "Just leave me alone."

"Sirius," Remus says softly. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize- what's the matter?"

Sirius laughs hollowly. "Nothing's the _matter."_

"Sirius, talk to me," Remus says, sitting beside him on the bed.

"Regulus died," Sirius spits. "Good bloody riddance. Whichever Death Eater killed him did the world a fucking favor." He swats furiously at his tears.

"It's okay to be sad," Remus says slowly. "It's okay to cry."

"I don't cry," Sirius says, in a low voice. "Especially over scum like Regulus."

"We all are hurting, Pads," Remus continues. "You've been really brave the past few months, even with all the deaths. It's only natural that you're going to break down eventually. And Regulus' death was probably just the tipping point. It doesn't mean you're a bad person, or disloyal to your cause, it just means that hearing that _one more person _died finally wore you down. Congratulations, Sirius Black, you're human after all, because this is happening to _everyone_."

Sirius laughs softly. "How did you know the perfect thing to say?"

Remus shrugs and smiles smugly, before wiping Sirius' tears away. "Love you."

Sirius grins. "Love you more."

"Not possible," Remus growls, leaning over and attacking Sirius' lips.

"Let's be late to the engagement party," Sirius mutters, before pulling Remus closer into a deep, long kiss.

Remus pushes Sirius down onto the bed and grins. "Fine by me."

* * *

**I think I need to get happier songs, haha. :P Please review!**


	4. Part Four

_**What Goes Around Comes Around (Justin Timberlake)**_

_Thought it was me and you, babe_

_Me and you until the end,_

_But I guess I was wrong._

_Don't want to think about it,_

_Don't want to talk about it,_

_I'm just so sick about it,_

_Can't believe it's ending this way_

_--  
_

"Fuck if I know, Moony," Sirius snaps, his eyes a smoldering black. "But it's suspicious, and there's obviously _something_ going on, and Peter thinks it's weird too, and-"

"Oh, well if _Peter_ thinks so," Remus says bitterly. "Who the fuck cares what Peter thinks? I'm not shagging _Peter_, I'm not in a relationship with _Peter_, I'm-"

"Then lie to Peter! Not me!" Sirius shouts angrily. "You expect me to trust you, but how am I supposed to trust you when you won't bloody tell me _anything_?"

"Dumbledore-"

"I don't fucking care about Dumbledore!" Sirius spits, his face twisting with anger, and he hurls an empty glass across the room.

"Oh, grow _up_," Remus snaps. "This is a War, and I have a secret mission, and you're just going to have to accept it."

"Go to hell, Remus," Sirius says harshly. "Just go straight, directly to hell."

"Fine," Remus growls. "Fine, I'll get my things and be out of your life. You can go shag a bird whose biggest secret is what color her knickers are, because you obviously can't handle anything more mature than that."

"Fine!" Sirius practically shrieks. "Get out, then!"

"I will. Just give my stuff to James," Remus snaps, heading for the door. "I don't want to stay here another second."

"Fine," Sirius shouts, as the door slams violently. He waits for a second, hoping Remus will come back, furious and ready for round two, but there's nothing. Sirius sinks to his knees, amidst the shattered glass, and buries his face in his hands. This isn't what is supposed to happen. Love was supposed to be enough.

* * *

_**Here (In Your Arms) (Hellogoodbye)**_

_  
Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me.  
Whispers "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly."  
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.  
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms._

_--  
_

Remus is asleep when Sirius creeps into bed. He curls up against Remus, and Remus automatically turns to him, opening his eyes slowly. "Hey," he whispers, smiling. "I thought you weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow."

"Missed you," Sirius explains simply. "Two weeks is far too long."

"I agree," Remus murmurs. "I'm glad you're back."

Sirius brushes his lips against Remus' and pulls back reluctantly. "Go back to sleep," he says firmly. "Full moon is in a couple days, and you should probably-"

Remus silences him with a fierce kiss. "I don't want to go back to sleep," he growls. "I've missed you."

Sirius grins, and nips at Remus' lips. Remus rolls over, pinning Sirius, his eyes glinting with laughter and lust and full-moon craziness. His lips collide against Sirius', and it's banging teeth and sharp breaths and sweaty hands and dancing tongues, and it's biting and scratching and the metallic taste of blood, and it's want and need and lust and love.

After, Remus rolls over and Sirius throws his arm across Remus' chest. "Love you."

"Love you too," Remus says sleepily, closing his eyes and drifting to sleep in Sirius' arms.

* * *

_**If Today Was Your Last Day (Nickleback)**_

_If today was your last day,_

_Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?_

_You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars, _

_Regardless of who you are._

_--  
_

As Snape is talking, Remus watches Sirius, whose face goes from hatred to anger to concern to excitement, and feels a sense of dread for Sirius mingling in with his worry for Harry.

"I'm going," Sirius says instantly, once Snape has finished. "He thinks I'm there already, I have to go."

"That's ridiculous," Molly snaps, but she's pale with fear for Harry and her son. "You'll stay here, the Order will go, they're perfectly capable of rescuing the children without you."

"They don't need rescue," Sirius argues. "They just need help, and I want to help. I _will_ help."

Molly stands up abruptly. "Remus, talk some sense into him," she snaps. "Severus, come help me contact the Order."

They leave the room and Remus looks at Sirius. "You could die."

"I'll die stuck in this bloody house while you lot are off fighting," Sirius snaps. After a second, his face softens and he walks over to Remus. "I have to do this, Moony. I have to."

Remus feels a lump in his throat but manages to nod anyway. "I know."

"You were the one who taught me that it was never too late," Sirius whispers. "And I have to prove that I'm still useful, I'm still worth _something_."

Remus doesn't trust himself to speak, but he nods again.

Sirius' eyes flicker with conflicting emotions and he grabs Remus and kisses him, hard. "Listen," he breathes, "I don't want to die leaving you a mess. You can be with someone else, you know. I just want you to be happy."

Remus vaguely thinks that this is Sirius trying to give him one last gift, one last time in which he heals Remus, and he should accept this gracefully, but he just shakes his head. "I love you, you git," he manages to choke out. "Only you."

"I love you too," Sirius promises. "And I always will, and if that means letting you be with someone who can take care of you after full moons and who can make you happy, then I'm okay with that."

Remus opens his mouth to protest, but Sirius cuts him off and kisses him again, and it tastes of regret and sorrow and longing.

* * *

_**Strawberry Fields (The Beatles)**_

_Let me take you down, 'cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields.  
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.  
Strawberry Fields forever._

_--  
_

"I'm tired of this," Sirius snaps.

Remus drags himself out of the thick book he was reading with visible effort. "You're—what?"

"Tired," Sirius says irritably. "Of this."

Remus blinks, confused. "Of what?"

"James and Lily have to go into hiding," Sirius says flatly, but his eyes are blazing.

"What?" Remus says, suddenly alert.

Sirius nods. "Dumbledore thinks it would be best," he says dully. The expression on his face shows exactly what Sirius thinks of Dumbledore's opinion.

Remus nods. "Well, he's probably right, Pads. Better safe than sorry, yeah?" Sirius doesn't look convinced and Remus switches tactics. "You're Secret-Keeper, I suppose?"

Something passes through Sirius' eyes, and he doesn't answer. After a strained pause, he smiles crookedly and jerks his head. "Let's go."

"To Lily and James'?" Remus asks, frowning.

"No," Sirius says quickly. "Just…away from this. Come on."

"Okay," Remus says, shrugging. "Take me anywhere."

Sirius grabs Remus' wrist roughly and they Apparate in a flash of light. They arrive on a deserted beach. Remus looks around. "Where are we?"

Sirius shrugs. "Dunno. I like to come here to kind of…escape reality, I guess. It's nice." He pauses and shoots a grin at Remus. "Padfoot likes to chase the seagulls."

Remus laughs. "You come here often?"

"Now and then," Sirius answers, staring out at the choppy waves. "Never brought anyone here before though."

Remus grins, touched. "Well, thanks for bringing me."

"Here," Sirius says dreamily, "it's like all our problems disappear."

Remus smiles wistfully. "Useful place."

"Dead useful," Sirius agrees, and then grabs Remus' hand and pulls him into a kiss. Remus relaxes instantly, and Sirius pulls back and grins at him, and morphs into Padfoot. He leaps up, placing his paws on Remus' chest, and covers Remus' cheek with a sloppy lick.

Remus staggers back, laughing. "That's disgusting, Pads."

Padfoot makes one of his wheezy doggy laughs, and takes off running through the waves, startling flocks of seagulls. He looks back and barks, and Remus laughs and starts sprinting after him.

As they frolic through the waves, Remus can't even remember what was wrong in the first place.

* * *

_**Happy (Nevershoutnever!)**_

_  
You make me happy whether you know it or not  
We should be happy, that's what I said from the start  
I am so happy knowing you are the one  
That I want for the rest of my days,  
For the rest of my days_

_--  
_

Remus stands up and opens his mouth to shout something at the exact moment a snowball hits him in the face. "Sirius!" he sputters, wiping the snow off his face. "You will pay for this!"

Sirius' laughing face appears above a bush. "Really, Moony? But wouldn't that mean you actually have to hit me first? And so far, I think I've been the one hitting _you_." He punctuates this remark with a well-timed snowball that flies into Remus' face.

"Pads!" Remus yells, laughing as he rubs the snow off his face again. "Don't get so cocky, Sirius." He leaps over the bush, tumbling on top of Sirius.

Sirius makes a sound that almost sounds like a bark, and they wrestle in the snow, laughing wildly. Remus rubs Sirius' head in the snow. "Apologize, Padfoot," he demands, smirking triumphantly.

Sirius sticks out his tongue. "Never!" He lifts his head up and smacks his lips against Remus'. Taking advantage of Remus' distraction, he rolls on top of Remus and grins. "I win."

Remus laughs, acknowledging his defeat. "Well, you know what they say. Losers get more marshmallows in their hot chocolate, so hah!"

Sirius makes a face. "Who says _that?_"

Remus pushes Sirius off him and takes off running. "Me!"

Sirius is up and chasing him in two seconds, and they run into their flat, still new enough to be exciting. Remus reaches into the cabinet and stuffs a marshmallow in his face. "Mmm," he says with his mouth full, grinning at Sirius.

Sirius smirks. "Got a little marshmallow on your lips, Moony. Kind of disgusting."

"Don't be jealous," Remus retorts, wiggling his eyebrows and swiping at his lips.

"I'll get it," Sirius says confidently, striding over and licking Remus' lips. He grins and probes his tongue into Remus' mouth. "Mm, marshmallow," he says, grinning impishly.

Remus pushes him away, laughing. "You're disgusting, Pads."

"And you love that about me," Sirius says cheekily.

"Suppose I have to," Remus says, smirking. "You'll be eighty-four and still doing disgusting things like trying to eat marshmallows that are _in my mouth_."

Sirius grins. "You better hope so. That'll mean we'll be as happy in sixty-five years as we are now."

"Impressive math skills," Remus teases before smiling happily. "I _am_ happy, Pads."

"'Course you are," Sirius says, kissing him lightly on the lips. "You're with me."

* * *

_**With You (Chris Brown)**_

'_Cause with every kiss, and every hug,_

_You make me fall in love,_

_And now I know I can't be the only one, _

_I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight,_

_With the love of their life who feel what I feel_

_When I'm with you, with you, with you_

_--  
_

Sirius takes a drag of the Gillyweed and grins blearily at Remus. "Want some more?"

"We probably shouldn't be doing this while James is in detention," Remus says, taking the joint anyway.

Sirius shrugs. "He's with Lily. I don't think he's doing _lines_, if you know what I mean."

Remus snickers, feeling lightheaded. "And Peter…"

"It's not our fault if Gillyweed makes him pass out," Sirius says, unconcerned.

Remus nods. "We shouldn't even be doing this, it's illegal, and I'm a _Prefect_."

"I love your nerdiness," Sirius says, straddling Remus and kissing him.

"Love," Remus says dreamily. "Sirius, I love you."

Sirius grins. "Remus, I love you more than _Gillyweed_."

"That's a lot," Remus says, widening his eyes.

"Just being with you makes me feel high," Sirius says happily, kissing him again.

Remus doesn't know if it's Sirius or the Gillyweed, but he feels very high, and he kisses Sirius intensely back.

* * *

_**All the Right Moves (OneRepublic)**_

_The sun is shining every day, but it's far away  
Over the world is death.  
They've got, they've got all the right friends in all the wrong places  
So yeah, we're going down  
We've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces  
So yeah, we're going down_

_--  
_

Even in the warmth of the day, Sirius shivers. He's sitting next to James, listening attentively as Moody rants and raves about the importance of constant diligence and staying on guard at _all times_.

"We all know that these are evil people," Moody snarls, his lip curling up in disgust. "They want to kill Muggles, Muggle-borns, blood traitors, and all sorts of half-breeds- like werewolves." His magical eye seems to stop at Sirius, and Sirius feels his heart clench. James looks at him grimly, in complete understanding, and Sirius remembers with a start that Lily is a Muggle-born.

"But what you don't know," Moody continues, "is that these people will not be easily defeated. In fact, it's questionable if they can be defeated at all. They are everywhere, and always to our disadvantage. You lot are talented, and bloody good wizards and witches. But still, they always win."

A hush falls over the crowd of Auror trainees, and James and Sirius exchange another look. Sirius can't bring himself to dismiss Moody's ramblings as simply paranoid, there's a deadly truth in his words.

Moody nods at everyone's obvious discomfort. "Yes, we may be able to pick off a few, but it is damn near impossible to kill 'em all. Now that your eyes are all open," he says with satisfaction, "I'm going to tell you how you are going to try to kill 'em all anyway, and you are going to be bloody fantastic Aurors, since I'm training you. I'm not going to lie to you and say we'll win, but I promise you that we'll go down swinging!"

Everyone cheers, but Sirius is more subdued than he would normally be, feeling a sense of doom. After the meeting, he walks into the flat and sees Remus. He strides over to him and engulfs him in a hug. Remus hugs him back, surprised. "What's this for?" he asks, his voice muffled by Sirius' sweater.

"No reason," Sirius lies, thinking, wishing, hurting.

* * *

_**The Scientist (Coldplay)**_

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_Oh it's such a shame for us to part._

_Nobody said it was easy,_

_No one ever said it would be so hard._

_Oh, take me back to the start_

_---  
_

He watches Sirius fall through the veil, over and over, in his mind and in his memories. It hurts a million times more than it did when Sirius was taken away to Azkaban, because at least then, his pain was cloaked by incredible anger. Now, he knows Sirius was innocent, and there's nothing but pure, raw pain.

Molly flitters around him, bringing soups and casseroles, telling him about the pain she went through when her brothers died. Tonks hovers around him nervously, telling him that it will stop hurting soon. People look at him with sympathetic eyes and wax poetic about time healing all wounds, and Remus just wants them all to shut _up_.

There's a hole in his chest, and it feels as if someone had clawed out his heart, and it's fiery pain that never goes away. He had faced the possibility of Sirius dying throughout the First Wizarding War. The moment Sirius looked at him and said he had to go save Harry, he knew he needed to start accepting that possibility again. He knows now that having that distant possibility becoming a harsh reality hurts more than he ever could have thought possible.

When Remus sleeps, he dreams of the days when he and Sirius were young and in love and happy.

* * *

_**Home (Daughtry) **_

_The miles are getting longer, it seems, the closer I get to you_

_I've not always been the best man or friend for you_

_But your love, it makes true, and I don't know why_

_You always seem to give me another try_

_--  
_

Sirius stares moodily at the blank parchment in front of him. He seems to be engaged in an internal debate between remaining sulky and feeling guilty. James snorts and tosses a quill at his head. "Just write him."

Sirius makes a face at him, but rolls his eyes and hunches over the paper.

_**Moony,**_

He scrawls, the ink splattering across the parchment with the undue force he is exerting on the quill.

_**Listen. I know you're probably furious and I guess, you know, you kind of deserve to be because I guess I was kind of prat. I don't know, I should have told you I was leaving. I was just really pissed. It's like, I can keep a secret, you know I can keep a secret, because of your furry little problem thing, so I don't see why you can't tell me what Dumbledore has you doing. And bringing up The Prank was a low blow, you said you forgave me for that back in sixth year, and besides, I didn't actually mean to tell Snivellous where you were, and anyway, I've matured since then, even though our fight may not have given you that impression.**_

_**That's what I was trying to tell you, anyway, but I ended up screaming and throwing accusations out and no wonder you got all quiet and your eyes went dead and so I slammed the door and left without telling you, and I'm sorry. Listen, I know I'm a prick and you're probably better than me, in this aspect at least, because I said some pretty horrid things and I know that if, not to sound all dramatic but if I had any sense at all, I'd probably work on my temper because James says that you're going to abandon me one day and it'll be no one's fault but mine.**_

_**I hope you don't abandon me. Sorry for the fight. I'm only a few days away from home, but it feels like it'll be an eternity. I know this was a rubbish apology letter, but it's the best I could do. Sorry. **_

_**Love,**_

_**Pads**_

Sirius hastily grabs James' owl and ties the letter to its leg before he can change his mind. The owl flies off, and Sirius watches it wistfully.

James clears his throat. "Good man," he says heartily.

Sirius responds with a stifled moan. "I'll take night shift," he says bravely. "Can't sleep anyway."

James looks at him doubtfully but nods, promptly falling asleep. Sirius stares at his hands and broods.

The next morning, Sirius has fallen into an exhausted, dreamless sleep, and doesn't recognize the pain in his arm until it intensifies, and Sirius blearily peeks through a half-closed eye and sees a shape next to his arm. "Geroff," he mutters, shaking his arm limply.

The pain doesn't stop, and Sirius realizes it's _pecking_. His eyes shoot open and he grabs the letter from the owl, barely pausing to shoot a murderous glance at James, who is chuckling infuriatingly.

_Sirius,_

_I'm not going to abandon you; that would be far too sensible, and we all know you make me much less sensible than I ought to be. I'd say I'd give you a second chance, but it's probably your 17__th__ or 135__th__, or something like that._

_I know it's a frustrating situation, but even though I have forgiven you for The Prank, and this has nothing to do with that, and I know you can keep a secret, I still can't tell you. We can discuss this when you get home, if you promise to behave rationally._

_Can't wait until you get home. Miss you._

_Love,_

_Remus_

Sirius exhales, and grins.

* * *

_**Bless the Broken Road (Rascal Flatts) **_

_  
I think about the years I spent, just passing through  
I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you  
But you just smile and take my hand  
You've been there, you understand  
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true_

_--  
_

Sirius wakes up in the middle of the night, and creeps into Remus' room. He crawls into the bed and Remus slowly opens his eyes. "Sirius?" he asks groggily.

"Who else were you expecting?" Sirius teases lightly, and kisses Remus gently.

Remus smiles. "No one, not even you."

"I had a bad dream," Sirius admits.

"What was it about?"

"Azkaban," Sirius says grimly. "I just think about all those years in there, wasted. I could have been with you the whole time. I'm sorry."

"Shh," Remus murmurs. "It doesn't matter. You're here now."

"That I am," Sirius says. "And I plan on staying for a while."

"Good," Remus whispers, kissing Sirius. "This was how it was supposed to be. It just made me love you more."

"I like that explanation," Sirius breathes, and they tumble into kisses that take them away from the nightmares and the pain and bring them back to what they used to be.

* * *

**Author's Note: **This is the last chapter- thanks for reading everyone, and thanks for reviewing! :)


End file.
